the other side of mafe

happy :D

2009-10-07T00:41:00.000-07:00

finally, almost after a year and a half, i found SOMEONE. (all smiles) someone who always make my day complete. someone who makes me smile not knowing that he do. someone who shows and continuously gives me love unconditionally. someone who has been my boyfriend for the last three months.

wait, let me tell you a little story on how things happened.

january this year in front of the Department of Agriculture in QC when we first saw each other, for me he was just one of those ordinary people on that night. after a few days i saw him again, and again, and again. later on we became friends, he even texts me sometimes. for me it was just a friendly relationship between us, but i wasn't aware that he was starting to feel something, then, last april, he formally courted me. at first, i don't want to accept his courtship because i wasn't attracted to him, at all. i just see him as a friend, as an org mate, not as a lover. but i was convinced by my friends to accept for us to know each other well. they used say "try mo lang, malay natin mag-work."and yes, i accepted his courtship. after two months of courting me, we officially became a couple on June 24. but, things got harder for me, there are times when i was thinking of breaking up with him, but his kindness prevented me from doing it.

his love was so kind and so freeing so i decided to continue my relationship with him. until now, i was so proud that we're still together. :D

sign??

2008-02-23T07:07:00.001-08:00

knina lang, I attended a mass kasama si mommie chai. during that mass., I prayed for a lot of people and a lot of things: my family, my friends, my school stuffs, and the guy who had been very special to me for the past few months. I prayed na sana mging malinaw na para skin ang lahat.., about him..,about us.. (HYOOK!hahah)
coz until now, (I will tell the truth na nga!) im not yet fully recovered (parang sakit lang ah..hahah)..,oo.. narealize ko un knina..hahah!na-hurt ako..khit pa ilang ulit ko na sinabing nkalimutan ko na xa..ahuuu.., kumocorny nko..hahah

and aun..,that prayer, which I had been praying for almost three months na, really paid off..the big question is HOW???
hmn..simple.., I saw him earlier, with a girl, whom I think is a very special one (for him)..,he's even holding her hand..kung di ako nagkakamali..hahah..

so, by that, naisip ko na un na ung sign..heheh..ouch!pero at least, diba? nasagot na ung mtagal ko nang hinihingan ng sagot kay Papa God..and im happy...though na-hurt ako ng konti., konti lang naman!hahah..,happy ako kse matatahimik nako..,sa wkas!hahah..,

(segway lang.., kmusta naman at habang ginagawa ko to eh sad songs ung tugtog?hahah..sympathy?)

i just thught we were meant to be..that's it

2008-02-05T21:49:00.000-08:00

sorry if i expected too much..

sorry if i over-reacted..,

sorry if i misled myself from not falling for you deeply..,

sorry for all those nonsense things i did just to make you notice me, and worse,for you to love me too..,
duh..im just a girl..,im just a human created by God who felt those not-to-be-felt "emotions" towards you..

hmm,..,am i getting ultrasappy??
most probably yes, because im an actress,,..,an actress of my own self..,actress of my own foolishness..,

i acted.., i pretend,,..,yes..,because doing such things do makes me happy..,makes me live..,so,you'll blame me for this, right?

okay.., i welcome all those blames..,all those tears..,all those pains..,as consequences of not thinking before i did all those stupid stuffs..,of not considering your feelings..,of not considering the fact that i was just assuming..,i was just dreaming..dreaming of the most impossible thing to happen..dream..yes..,that's all i can do to assume..,to pretend..,to think and to feel that your'e mine..,if you would be mine,..,how i wish you'd be mine..mine forever..,but you can't be mine..and that's the reality..you can never be mine..,i knew it..i knew it..that's why i should move on..,i should forget all those dreams..,all those wishes.., all those hopes,..,because im hurting..im hurting a lot..yes..,it hurts me a lot seeing you with another girl..,knowing that you're happy with her..,so i should stop all this stupidity and foolishness..,to prevent myself from hurting myself more and more..,

i need to find my own happiness..,i know.., my own happiness that does not require you or any guy..,my own happiness by just being me..,
my true self..,
my true friend..,
my true me..

thanks... a lot..

2008-01-11T06:38:00.000-08:00

i always believed in the sad love song that says, "letting go is just another way to say i'll always love you so."but this time, in this case, i don't. im letting go, yes, but im letting go to say goodbye to all the feelings and emotions i felt for him. yes, him. "the "big love of my sophomore college life." i always loved this guy for the past few months and God knows how i wanted him to be mine. i in fact believed that he'll be mine but he didn't. maybe he's not really just into me. its very easy to say those words but they are just so hard accept. i can't accept the fact because i fell deeply inlove with him made myself believe that he too felt the same way..uhh..this is why the pain of moving on is difficult to bear. just like any other girl who got their heart broken, i became bitter and angry, in fact, i immediately thought of a revenge. i even wanted his life to be miserable cause i wanted him to feel the pain and sufferings i underwent in loving him. funny, but yes, i did thought of all of those. but as days pass, i came to realize that he did not meant to hurt me that way, and maybe he doesn't even know im hurting. i felt guilty for getting mad at him. and thanks to my bestbud Sheena for lending me her book, "Who Stole My Magic?" the book is really fun. it is about surviving tips from a heartbreak. i have learned a lot from it. now, im happy, though single, im not alone. thanks to him because he gave me the chance to love myself a little more and he teaches me not to expect anything from anyone. Ü♥

eto na..

2007-11-18T17:12:00.000-08:00

hai..eto na sana at siguro ung huling blog ko tungkol sa kanya..dpat lang..kse ang sakit na..ang sakit sakit na..,di ko na kaya..uhhh..,pero kylangan kong gawin to.. para na lang sa kaibigan ko..,para maging masaya sya..,yun na lang un..mkakahanap din ako ng para saken..,di pa lang ngaun..,pero alam kong humahanap lang sya(God) ng timing..parang si ____..,humahanap nalang sya ng timing para magpropose ng courtship sa kaibigan ko..kaya ako, dapat habang di pa nangyayari un, mka-move on nako..haiii..kya ko to..mahirap at masakit sa umpisa, but in the end..,all the pain would be worth it..im so sure of that..ayt??heheh..,i hope ito na ung huling pagkakataon na mag-iisip ako ng tungkol sa kanya..i hope ito na ung huling pagkakataon na masasaktan ako sa kanya..kailangan kong tulungan ung sarili ko kase walang ibang makakatulong saken,im pretty sure of this..,haiii....;c

S A N A

2007-11-16T19:50:00.000-08:00

dito ko na to sisimulan..hai, ewan..ngaton ko lang ilalabas ang totoong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya,.pakiramdam na matagal ko nang itinatago, at itinatanggi.. ewan ko ba kung bakit di ko maamin. nakakahiya?oo, na hindi. ewan. hindi ko kayang aminin dahil alam kong masasaktan ako. bakit? dahil alam kong may iba syang gusto. natatakot man akong aminin pero malakas ang kutob ko na yung taong gusto nya ay yung pinakamalapit kong kaibigan sa ngayon. kahit na sabihin na iba ang gusto nung kaibigan ko. mahirap na, sa ngayon, hindi pa sya., pero alam kong may posibilidad na maging sya. ayokong malantad dahil ayokong mailang, ayokong makita ng mga tao kung papaano ko tatanggapin ang mga mangyayari, na posibleng ikalulungkot ko at magdudulot ng sakit at paghihirap sakin. kaya ngayon, kung kelan ko ilalabas ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya ay sya ring panahon/ pagkakataon na susubukan kong tuldukan ang lahat ng kabaliwan kong to, lahat ng katangahan, lahat ng kagagahan. pero ang hirap, hindi ko magawa. sa tuwing mag-iisa ako, naiisip ko sya, mga ngiti nya, mga mata nya, yung mga bagay na nakapag-pahulog ng loob ko sa kanya. ngayon pa lang, nararamdaman ko na yung sakit. yung hirap ng pagbitaw. ewan ko ba kung bakit hirap na hirap ako, eh halos isang buwan palang ang nakakalipas simula nung naramdaman ko to., ang ikling panahon. pero nahulog ako ng sobra.., sobra- sobra, sobra pa sa inaasahan, at inaakala ko. ang bilis! pero bakit ang tagal at ang hirap kong maalis lahat ng to. sinisikap kong gawin lahat para makaiwas. kahit signs hiningi ko na, pero para bang ayaw ng panahon at pagkakataon na umiwas ako sa kanya. pero hidi pwede. ayoko. dahil pag pinatagal ko pa to, mas lalo lang akong masasaktan, at maghihirap. alam ko na ngayon mahirap talaga., pero pag nagawa ko na, magiging ok na ko. sana makaya ko to. sana maging matapang ako. sana.. sana..

2007-10-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

aww..this is our last meeting in computer..i will miss this..,i will miss our "patakas" in browsing the net, esp in opening our friendster and multiply accounts..hahah..i will also miss maam Lintag, because she had been so cool and kind prof and adviser to us..i will miss ouir computer lab..,and creating documents, worksheets, html files, and powerpoint presentations..huhuh

duh..

2007-09-24T16:03:00.000-07:00

hahah..bitter??uhm..d aman..bitter lang aku sa sarili ku kxeh..basta..ewan..nkkazar..sna d to magtagal kxeh pag nagtagal to..huhuh..,i will die!!yes.,i will die from pain..potah..naiinis nko.., eto na naman ako..pakshet kxeh..ihh..azar talaga..;c

my comment to the controversial picture of 5 UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe Members

2007-09-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

wulah lang..i think nung gnawa nla yun,3p3p lng nila..,kse khit nman cguro cnu kung maicpan nlang man3p.gagawin nla..,it just so happened na kumalat pa ng ganito..aun..i know na mli gnawa nla pero cguro gnawa nlang din na super lking issue to nung ibang tao..well,.i cant blame them..pero siguro wag nalang nilang i-judge ung entire Thomasian na katulad ng gnagawa at knakalat ng ibang tao ngaun..,at gnun din ang mga tga-UP..duh??feeling ko nman hindi lang mga taga-USTe ung gumagawa ng gnito..ayt??common guys..,we are in a democratic country..,kya khit anung gustuhin ntin gawin..,mgagawa ntin..,bkit hindi mpansin ng ibang tao ung pagkakabastos kay Maam Francisco ng mga taga ibang schools sa UAAP??there is more to life na dpat nting pagkabusyhan..,kesa sa mga gnitong bgay..ÜÜÜ

2007-09-19T17:22:00.000-07:00

PHILOSOPHY5
Emma Fe L. Rosal September 19, 2007
2ca1 Prof. Enrique Jamilla

Analysis on the movie “John Q”

Sources of Morality

Object
The object or act in the movie is when John locked himself on the emergency room with some of the people in the hospital.

Motive
The motive or purpose of the act is that John wants his child to be included in the hospital’s donor’s lists. He did it because they did not have enough money for his son to be cured, and the hospital is even releasing his son from the hospital because they did not have money to pay for his son’s stay at the hospital.

Circumstance/s
First, is his son was able to undergone the operation, in short, John was able to make it.
Second, John was imprisoned for the act of kidnapping.

it has been a long day for all of us..

2007-09-13T01:47:00.000-07:00

at the start of this day, I woke up late.,, for not hearing the sound of my alarm clock.., but,luckily, i was able to came to school on time..,and did not miss my first class, computer..,in our second class which is Christian Ethics, we watched a film entitled "John Q..," but we weren't able to finish it because we dont have enough time..,after ou 2nd class, sheena and me went to Tan Yan Kee Bldg to claim our tickets for the Cheerdance Competition on sunday..,the line was a little bit long but we still insist to claim it,..when we return to our classroom, our prof was already there that is why Sheena and me make an alibi for the prof to allow us to join the class...we succeeded because our prof believed in us..(hahah..evil laugh..)our next prof was not able to come,but she requested our class president to finish the film "Gandhi," that is why we are forced to watch it..But, just like "John Q," we were not able to finish wathcing "Gandhi" because we have to leave the school early to watch the UAAP game(UST vs. FEU)..,upon leaving the school, we(i, with some of my classmates) ride a jeepney to recto and then proceed to the LRT train there.,.,we enjoyed our LRT ride because we were able to sit..hahah..,when we reached Araneta Coliseum,sheena and me parted ways with the rest of our classmates..,me and sheena immediately preceeded to enter the coliseum to get some seats and to reserve some for our classmates..,when we enter the coliseum,we saw the crowds from UST and FEU..,this was really a tough fight between us and the FEU team because this will determine who among us will have the 4th spot in the semifinals..the crowd was really tensed on who will win..(hi papa)..and the FEU won...i cried..yes, i did..and its really annoying especially when we heard the feu crowd shout "tiger ears loser!"duh??major duh!!lets see..i forgot that we have a twice-to-beat advantage because of the standings..hahah(evil laugh)..if we really are loser, they will enter the semi-finals..but i am confident to say that we will win..hahah,..go uste!

finals is near

2007-09-11T02:26:00.000-07:00

yah..finals is near..finals for this semester..,luckily,..,i htink i am going to finish this semester peacefully..,and happily..hahah..,i hope so..,thanks to sir Jamilla, taas ng grades ku sa ethics,..hahah.,how i wish mamaintain ku lahat ng goodgrades ku until the end of this sem.., haai..finally..,we were about to leave this haggard, and tiring semester..yii!!hahah..,gogogo! congrats sken..hahah..di pa pla...,di pa tpos eh..we have our mark strat pa..,haii.,,haggard.., we have our PE projects and ethics project pa...kya ku to..,i can do it..ayt??hahah..

procastinating about our filipino exam..

2007-08-17T17:51:00.000-07:00

i am sooo pissed off last tuesday, august 14..,pnu ba nman, ung exam nmin sa filipino..kylangan plah capital letters lhat ng answers..pakshet..katangahan ku nman at di ku binasa ng aus ung instructions..iihhh..nkakapikon tlaga..eh ang dmi2 nung di ku na-capitalize..pakshet!panu un?eh di bagsak me??huhuh..tpos ang haba2 pa nung binigay nyang coverage ng exam..,aralin 1-4, and take note,from page 1 un up to 150+..tpos may eleap pa na super dmi..oh,dba??tpos gnun lang??kpikon..!!hanggang ngaun di pa rin me mka-get over..

nang dahil kay 'egay'

2007-08-17T02:50:00.000-07:00

due to bad weather and the coming of super typhoon 'egay,' classes in NCR were suspended..and the preliminary examinations of the university of santo tomas were re-scheduled..maybe some were happy for the suspension..,but im not one of those..kse ba nman..,instead na mtapos na exams eh nde..,pakshet..c egay kse..pro ohkei na din,at least nkapagaphinga mga tao,noh..haiii.., i wonder how long this typhoon would last and would once again suspend classes..

sorry..

2007-08-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

sorry..cause i cannot meet your expectations, sorry because i wasn't good enough, sorry because i lie sometimes..,sorry, simply because i am not perfect,..,i have alot of imperfections and i admit it..,but inspite of all of my flaws, im still rtying my best nman to be good and to be what you want me to be, but the sad fact is that, i can't be what you want me to be, i can't do what you want me to do because its not what i want me to be..,its not what i want me to do...,if you want the best for me, then let me do the things that i want to do..,let me to be me..,

the uaap game between lasalle and ust..

2007-07-30T00:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, July 29, Sunday at 2:00pm at the upperbox A of Araneta Coliseum, we watched the game between the Lasalle Green Archers and the Ust Growling Tigers.
At the start of the game, i know that all of us, the Ust crowd, were very nervous of what was going to happen, and which team is going to win. We were all cheering for our Alma Mater's team when the Lasallian students started to "boo" me, us, and the entire Ust crowd. Mrs. Francisco, who, if i have not mistaken is the chair/part of the administrators of the UST-IPEA(Institute of Physical Education and Athletics), got annoyed by the unmannered attitude of the entire Lasallian students, who will be happy for that reaction? That is why before the game started, the management of the De La Salle University apologized to Mrs. Francisco and to the entire UST crowd for how their students behaved. "They do not behave properly to what they are expected to..," and the UST accepted that apology. I thought it will never happen again, because they are being reminded by their administrator to behave properly, but I was wrong, definitely wrong. At the start of the game, i noticed how the Lasalle Green Archer's team behaved and played with our team, and i'm afraid to say that they do not behave well, especially the one who wears jersey no.10, i already forgot his name. At the halftime, wherein the two competing schools will perform production numbers, we were all surprised and annoyed by what the Green performers did, not nice of them. But inspite of their behavior, the UST students never did anything, nor did some revenge on how the Lasallians behaved, we just continue shouting, cheering for our team to win. But we lost, over a 90-86 overtime score. We could have win, if only Jhervy Cruz did not pass the ball to Jhaps Cuan, but it's okay, we accept our lost. We just put into our minds that the best revenge is kindness, karma will come, soon.....

this week...

2007-07-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

waaaah...,a stressful week had just passed..,finally,im going to rest and relax for atleast two days..,it will be enough than not having one..,hahah..,shocks..,i think this week naging super bitch aku..but i can't blame myself for being so..,ksi nman eh..,ang mga tao..whaaaat..hahah..,ang hirap ng life ko..,sa school, i need to divide my body into two: the one as a student; and the other one as an Org officer..,waaaah...sna mkaya ku to noh??sna lang talaga..

my two_communication arts_one family

2007-07-28T03:13:00.000-07:00

i found my second home in room#113, St. Raymund's Bldg., UST..,in short, in 2ca1..,in everyday that God lets us to be together, i started to know them well and i started to love those people..,there,we accepted each other and started to cope in each other's moods.,.at dun din nabuo ang magagandang samahan that all of us will surely treasure forever..,there,i can be myself, and also there, i met a lot of great people in the names of Sheena Marie de Guzman, Frances Carleen Ogilvie, Karen Michelle Victoriano., Ma. Celine Enriquez., Esfrey Marie Sia, amelle Anne Catapusan, and Kristianne Dominique Carrada..,some of the few people who i want to be with forever..,the people whom i laugh and cry with, the people who treated me well as a family, and the people whom i call "friends.."

simplicity...

2007-07-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

define simplicity..,"mafe" is the best illustration and example of this word..,mafe is always contented for who she is, what she have, and what she does..she is indeed an independent lass..,kpag alam nyang kaya nya ang isang bagay.., she will never ask anyone for help.., she is a strong person..,hangga't kaya nyang itago,itatago nya.., but she is indeed a crying lady.., iyakin,super..,heheh..but this girl is really lovable..,kya siguro marami cyang friends..,at maraming nagmamahal sa kanya..,

dilemna..

2007-07-25T20:04:00.001-07:00

i am now in a middle of a dilemna on whether to resign or not in my organization..,and i am having a hard time dealing with it..,i feel that i am not responsible enough because i can't comply to some of the things that i am required and expected to..,i have a lot of things to do on my own and on my organization but it seems that time and chance are not cooperating with me..,that is why i am thinking to give up my position and give it to a person who is more deserving than me...,but i don't want to fail the people who put me in my position,and i don't want to humiliate my co-officers in my college to the central unit..,ahh...what will i do??

it' so damn hard..

2007-07-24T22:47:00.000-07:00

"it's too painful when you are asked by someone about a person you care for alot but you can't answer that question because you don't really know what that person is talking about, and then, you'll ask why that person is asking about it? and the person will say that someone has said to him but he want to confirm it to you because you are one of the few people who are expected to know that thing..and then you'll suddenly feel that you are so stupid for not knowing about it.."

that's what i felt last tuesday night, july 24..,nainis ako..how come that other people already know about it, pero ako, na dpat mas mauna pang mkaalam dun, eh super clueless bout it.., i feel so stupid..,feeling ko i'm so damn tanga..,and worthless kc wla akong alam..