happy :D

finally, almost after a year and a half, i found SOMEONE. (all smiles) someone who always make my day complete. someone who makes me smile not knowing that he do. someone who shows and continuously gives me love unconditionally. someone who has been my boyfriend for the last three months.

wait, let me tell you a little story on how things happened.

january this year in front of the Department of Agriculture in QC when we first saw each other, for me he was just one of those ordinary people on that night. after a few days i saw him again, and again, and again. later on we became friends, he even texts me sometimes. for me it was just a friendly relationship between us, but i wasn't aware that he was starting to feel something, then, last april, he formally courted me. at first, i don't want to accept his courtship because i wasn't attracted to him, at all. i just see him as a friend, as an org mate, not as a lover. but i was convinced by my friends to accept for us to know each other well. they used say "try mo lang, malay natin mag-work."and yes, i accepted his courtship. after two months of courting me, we officially became a couple on June 24. but, things got harder for me, there are times when i was thinking of breaking up with him, but his kindness prevented me from doing it.

his love was so kind and so freeing so i decided to continue my relationship with him. until now, i was so proud that we're still together. :D

sign??

knina lang, I attended a mass kasama si mommie chai. during that mass., I prayed for a lot of people and a lot of things: my family, my friends, my school stuffs, and the guy who had been very special to me for the past few months. I prayed na sana mging malinaw na para skin ang lahat.., about him..,about us.. (HYOOK!hahah)
coz until now, (I will tell the truth na nga!) im not yet fully recovered (parang sakit lang ah..hahah)..,oo.. narealize ko un knina..hahah!na-hurt ako..khit pa ilang ulit ko na sinabing nkalimutan ko na xa..ahuuu.., kumocorny nko..hahah

and aun..,that prayer, which I had been praying for almost three months na, really paid off..the big question is HOW???
hmn..simple.., I saw him earlier, with a girl, whom I think is a very special one (for him)..,he's even holding her hand..kung di ako nagkakamali..hahah..

so, by that, naisip ko na un na ung sign..heheh..ouch!pero at least, diba? nasagot na ung mtagal ko nang hinihingan ng sagot kay Papa God..and im happy...though na-hurt ako ng konti., konti lang naman!hahah..,happy ako kse matatahimik nako..,sa wkas!hahah..,

(segway lang.., kmusta naman at habang ginagawa ko to eh sad songs ung tugtog?hahah..sympathy?)

i just thught we were meant to be..that's it

sorry if i expected too much..

sorry if i over-reacted..,

sorry if i misled myself from not falling for you deeply..,

sorry for all those nonsense things i did just to make you notice me, and worse,for you to love me too..,
duh..im just a girl..,im just a human created by God who felt those not-to-be-felt "emotions" towards you..

hmm,..,am i getting ultrasappy??
most probably yes, because im an actress,,..,an actress of my own self..,actress of my own foolishness..,

i acted.., i pretend,,..,yes..,because doing such things do makes me happy..,makes me live..,so,you'll blame me for this, right?

okay.., i welcome all those blames..,all those tears..,all those pains..,as consequences of not thinking before i did all those stupid stuffs..,of not considering your feelings..,of not considering the fact that i was just assuming..,i was just dreaming..dreaming of the most impossible thing to happen..dream..yes..,that's all i can do to assume..,to pretend..,to think and to feel that your'e mine..,if you would be mine,..,how i wish you'd be mine..mine forever..,but you can't be mine..and that's the reality..you can never be mine..,i knew it..i knew it..that's why i should move on..,i should forget all those dreams..,all those wishes.., all those hopes,..,because im hurting..im hurting a lot..yes..,it hurts me a lot seeing you with another girl..,knowing that you're happy with her..,so i should stop all this stupidity and foolishness..,to prevent myself from hurting myself more and more..,

i need to find my own happiness..,i know.., my own happiness that does not require you or any guy..,my own happiness by just being me..,
my true self..,
my true friend..,
my true me..